Deciding to start therapy is an exciting and brave thing to do. But it can also feel confusing and daunting initially, especially if you’ve never had therapy before. It can be difficult to picture what therapy is like or how to decide which therapist to work with.

One of our therapists, Zoe Yessaian, clearly remembers what it felt like before she started therapy, and wanted to share some useful starting points to consider and insight into what therapy can be like.

1. You don’t have to have a diagnosed mental health issue to benefit from therapy.

Although therapy can be a useful tool and treatment for people experiencing mental ill-health, it’s not the only reason to have therapy.

There are many reasons why someone might be thinking about therapy:

• Therapy gives us dedicated time to understand our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, supported by an empathic and experienced professional.
• It enables us to gain deeper knowledge into our behaviours and how we relate to others.
• And therapy provides a safe and judgement-free space to gain self-awareness and insight, to be able to experience and implement positive change in our lives.
• There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ reasons for starting therapy.

2. Think about your goals for therapy.

It can be beneficial to think about what you would like from therapy: the areas you want to explore and work through, and your goals for change.

It’s okay if you’re unsure what your goals are before starting therapy. Your therapist will work through this with you. 

And it’s common during therapy that you might start to identify new goals. You may also find your goals change as therapy goes on, or you may revisit previous goals again with a different perspective.

3. Therapy can feel uncomfortable and you won’t always enjoy it – and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

It can be difficult and feel vulnerable to open up and talk about feelings and experiences. We often spend time actively avoiding difficult feelings, emotions, thoughts and memories, and it can be uncomfortable to be in a space to face them.

It may take time to feel able to talk about those feelings, and a helpful therapist will support and guide you through this. They will work with you to determine the right pace for you and will provide a safe space for you to share when you feel ready.

And it’s likely that things might feel worse before they feel better.

4. You don’t have to stick with the first therapist you meet.

The therapeutic relationship between client and therapist is fundamental to the therapeutic process and for the work to be able to take place.

It may be that you’ve had a few sessions with a therapist already but it doesn’t feel like the right fit. If this happens, it’s completely acceptable to explore finding a different therapist. Even if you’ve only had one session, you’re not obliged to continue.

It can be difficult to build trust, open up and experience change if you don’t feel a connection with a therapist.

Many therapists offer a free 15-minute consultation. This can be a useful option to explore if you’re thinking about therapy to see if you you and the therapist would be a good fit for each other.

5. A good therapist won’t judge you.

For therapy to be safe and effective, and allow for the therapeutic relationship to develop and build, it’s essential that it’s a judgement-free space.

Therapists are highly trained professionals who they understand this. It’s important that you feel able to share whatever it is you may be feeling or thinking. It’s understandable that this may be a worry if you’re thinking about therapy. A good therapist won’t judge you and will provide a safe and open space for you to talk about anything that you want.

6. You may not always like your therapist.

As time goes on and the therapeutic relationship builds with trust, a helpful therapist may empathetically challenge you at times. This can feel uncomfortable, and it’s okay to feel annoyed at your therapist. This discomfort can lead to important work and your therapist should support you to have these healthy and open discussions.

7. Your therapist is not your friend.

There is a unique and special relationship between a client and a therapist. Of course it’s a professional relationship where the therapist is providing a service. But it’s also an intimate relationship, where vulnerability is often present, secrets and tears are shared, and achievements celebrated.

It’s common that it may feel one sided at times; where you’re sharing a lot about yourself and the therapist is sharing very little about themselves, directly. This is because it’s not a friendship.

The therapist will care about you, and often hold you in mind between sessions, but boundaries are essential to provide an ethical framework for the relationship. Boundaries provide safety for the client and allow them to feel held and contained. This, in turn, promotes and enables trust to build, supports the therapeutic relationship and creates a trusted environment for work to take place.

Here at Your Time to Talk, we have a team of compassionate, non-judgmental therapists with a wealth of diverse experience, specialising in Relationship and Sex Therapy.

We offer individual, couples and multi-partnered therapy. We work with people from all genders, backgrounds, cultures, religions and sexualities. We believe therapy should be available to everyone and work affirmatively within sexual, erotic and relationship diversity.