A wedding day is meant to be a time of joy, happiness and excitement at the prospect of tying the knot with someone we love and are truly committed to being with for the long haul.  However, a wedding day can induce an array of other, more negative emotions such as anxiety, stress and worry. Not surprising really given the pressure, demands and expectations we put on ourselves (and sometimes by others) to achieve the perfection of it all going smoothly without any hitches – bringing a whole new meaning to the term ‘getting hitched.’

People tend to feel most nervous during the ceremony, firstly because the person at the ‘altar’ has the anticipation of waiting for the other partner to arrive – and may worry that they won’t! And the partner on their way to the ceremony may feel the stress of ensuring they arrive on time and uncomfortable knowing that their partner and guests are all waiting for this. Both partners may be apprehensive knowing that all eyes are upon them on their wedding day and feel overwhelmed by all this attention, whether it’s people they know or new people they have yet to meet. 

During the ceremony, there’s the anxiety of ensuring they repeat their vows accurately. Nerves can take over and errors made. They might be wondering what their partner is thinking or feeling. And what if someone sabotages their union by standing up to say the marriage should not or cannot go ahead. Thankfully people tend to relax at the end of the official ceremony. 

The first dance may bring a further sense of pressure to ‘perform’ and expose oneself to the gaze of family, friends, colleagues. Not only is everyone looking at them, but if either partner doesn’t like dancing or feels they’re not a great dancer, this can enhance negative feelings in one or both partners. And the song choice may be very personal to the couple and evoke memories that they would prefer to have in a more private setting. 

The whole wedding may cause many highs and lows with an array of emotions: from the proposal, all the planning and organising leading up to the big day, the wedding day itself, the pressure of the wedding night, the honeymoon and the reality of beginning the marriage itself.  For some it may be their first marriage, and could be even more stressful than perhaps for people who have been married before. 

Anxiety has many physical, mental and emotional symptoms that can be manifested in a person’s words, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Here’s a rundown of the most common symptoms, and some simple ways of calming nerves before, during and after the wedding day. 

Physical Symptoms

• Light headed/dizziness
• Pins and needles
• Restlessness 
• Irregular heartbeat or increased heart rate
• Headaches, backache, stomach bloating and other body pains
• Sweating or hot flushes
• Sleep problems
• Feeling tense and nervous
• Nausea (sickness)
• Difficulty breathing (hyperventilation)
• Trembling/shaking
• Feeling weak or tired
• Panic attacks
• Grinding teeth, especially at night
• Needing the toilet less or more often 
• Changes in libido (sex drive)

Mental and Emotional Symptoms

• Fearing the worst
• A sense of dread
• Catastrophising
• Constant worrying and overthinking
• Losing touch with reality
• Feeling like the world is speeding up or slowing down
• Low mood or depression
• Ruminating
• Paranoia
• Fear of death
• Trouble concentrating
• Low self-esteem
• Inability to relax
• Feeling stress and overwhelmed. 

Self-care tips

1. Talk to someone you trust who will listen.
2. Try to manage your worries by only spending a certain amount of time on them – 15-minute worry time!
3. Keep on top of your physical health: diet, exercise and sleep are all important.
4. Breathing exercises and mindfulness exercises.
5. Keep a diary or journal to write the good things happening in your life and to note any triggers or patterns to the anxiety you’re experiencing.
6. Join a peer support group and/or online forums.
7. Talk to a therapist.
8. Self Help books and resources.
9. Complimentary therapies, eg yoga, meditation, massage, aromatherapy, reflexology and hypnotherapy.
10. Short-term medication from your GP if your anxiety is really bad.

This blog was written by Amanda Watson, one of our Senior Psychosexual and Relationship Therapists. Amanda offer a judgement free space for all genders, sexual orientations, relationship styles, kinks, lifestyles and preferences. 

A blog we really like, written by celebrant Sam at SD Celebrations, gives great advice for overcoming fears around the wedding ceremony itself.