Loving a Highly Sensitive Person | 5 steps to fostering balance, understanding, and connection

Being a highly sensitive person can feel like you have no skin. Like there is no buffer between you and the world. Do you ever feel like that? If so, this article is dedicated lovingly to you sensitive souls, and your partners who might be scratching their heads trying to understand you. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you might understand by the end the blessings and burdens of being a sensitive person in an insensitive world.

So, who qualifies as a Highly Sensitive Person?

We all bear some level of sensitivity. And we all have blind spots and can be staggeringly oblivious too. Some are sensitive to criticism; some are empathetic enough to feel other people’s emotions close to the bone. Some are overly concerned with the pain of the world. The Germans call this weltschmerz and Francis Weller refers to it as the third gateway to grief.

Some of us are sensitive to coffee, drugs, sex, porn, loud noises, other people’s moods, or scary films. We’re not all made the same, and there are levels of sensitivity that can mean we do quite well in this hectic life. But being sensitive can quickly lead to being overwhelmed and the need to escape into a fantasy land or lean into addictions.

Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP, is a term coined by Psychologist, Dr Elaine Aron. 

What’s it like being in a relationship with a Highly Sensitive Person?

Being in a relationship where one partner is highly sensitive and the other is not can sometimes feel like a dance between two very different rhythms. One person might pick up on every emotional nuance, sensing shifts in energy before words are spoken, while the other moves through the world with a thicker skin, often unaware of the subtle emotional currents at play. For the sake of this article, I am focusing on emotional content sensitivity.

Sensitivity in a relationship can be both a blessing and a challenge. The sensitive partner often acts as an emotional barometer, picking up on unspoken tensions, underlying emotions, or even unexpressed needs within the relationship. This can mean they’re more attuned to relational issues before they fully surface. If you’re the less sensitive partner, you might find yourself surprised when your highly attuned counterpart points out a shift in the dynamic that you hadn’t even registered yet.

So, what does it mean to navigate a relationship where one of you is a highly sensitive person and the other is not?

Sensitivity exists on a spectrum, and while everyone has the capacity for awareness and empathy, highly sensitive people often experience the world with a heightened level of emotional and sensory depth. This can be a gift – one that allows for deep connection, intuition, and emotional wisdom – but it can also lead to feeling overwhelmed, misunderstood, or burdened by carrying the emotional load in the relationship.

Sensitive people are needed. How much better would the world be with more sensitive, empathetic, loving humans in it? Think of some inspiring, sensitive people and their contributions to art, music, therapies, science, technology, playfulness. Deep joy and vulnerability come from the same visceral place – the parts of us that feel the world deeply. This part stays in tune with sensitivity, play and vulnerability. It doesn’t give a shit about deadlines, rules and scowls at ‘jobsworths’. It has a different set of priorities, valuing compassion, care and expression above all else.

Existing sensitively and being connected to our emotions is an imaginative and potent way of living and connecting with the world. “But it’s so harrrrrrrd”, I hear you sensy souls purring. Yeah, it is! Sometimes it is incredibly hard.

If you’re a highly sensitive person, you might find yourself doing a lot of the emotional heavy lifting – anticipating conflicts, sensing when something is “off,” or being the first to notice when your partner is stressed or withdrawn. While this skill is valuable, it can also be exhausting, especially if you feel like you’re the only one consistently tuning into the relationship’s emotional landscape.

Take a minute to reflect on times in your life when your sensitivity has been helpful. Maybe it steered you away from danger, made someone feel safe, or helped de-escalate a volatile situation. Your superpower might be diffusing chaos wherever you go without you even knowing it! It is useful, and no doubt it’s a strong survival skill. Many people become highly sensitive because they grew up in environments that were full of unspoken explosives or had families that communicated like military spies. They learned to read people’s needs like braille because they had to.

If you’re the less sensitive partner, you might not always recognise how much your sensitive counterpart is managing on an emotional level. You may not notice the subtle cues they pick up on or understand why they feel so deeply affected by things that seem minor to you.

But just because you don’t experience emotions the same way doesn’t mean you can’t support and share the burden of relational awareness. It also might mean you have more capacity to deal with what feels tangible to you – the practical and the everyday things that might otherwise be forgotten when dealing with the energetic and the emotive. This is also super important to attend to, and is a crucial part of the relational atmosphere. Maybe you are holding the practical parts of the relationship in a way that also needs support and witnessing.

Navigate love with, or as, a Highly Sensitive Person

Here’s how both partners can navigate this dynamic in a way that fosters balance, understanding, and connection:

1. Validate the Experience – If you’re the less sensitive partner, acknowledge that your partner’s heightened awareness is real, even if you don’t always understand it. Dismissing their concerns as overreactions can lead to feelings of isolation and frustration. Instead, practice listening without judgment.

2. Share the Emotional Load – a highly sensitive person often takes on the role of ‘relationship caretaker’, noticing tensions and initiating difficult conversations. If you’re the less sensitive partner, make an effort to check in proactively. Ask how the relationship feels for them and be open to discussing emotions even when things seem “fine” to you.

3. Set Boundaries for Balance – If you’re the sensitive partner, recognise when you’re taking on too much. If you are the practical partner, notice where you need support as well. Neither one of you is solely responsible for maintaining these significant parts of the relationship. Encourage your partner to develop their own emotional or practical awareness and share some of the responsibility you’ve been unconsciously monopolising.

4. Develop Emotional Hygiene Together – Both partners can benefit from rituals that support emotional well-being. Whether it’s journaling, going for walks, practising mindfulness, or simply having intentional conversations about feelings, creating a shared space for emotional processing can strengthen your connection.

5. Recognise Sensitivity as a Strength – The ability to sense and respond to emotions with care is a superpower. It can lead to deep emotional intimacy, a strong sense of connection, and a relationship that thrives on mutual understanding. Instead of viewing sensitivity as a problem to be managed, embrace it as a valuable tool for fostering closeness.

Relationships flourish when both partners are willing to step into each other’s world with curiosity and care. If you’re the less sensitive partner, practice attuning yourself to your partner’s emotional world. If you’re the highly sensitive person, allow yourself to set boundaries and trust that your partner can – and should – also share in the work of emotional awareness.

Together, you can create a relationship where sensitivity is not a burden but a bridge to deeper love and understanding.